my favorite grindr meeting was the time a guy who was like 20 invited me over to his house and i got there and he messaged me “i’m showering but the door is open so just come in” so i did and i sat down on a sofa in his living room and joanna newsom was playing lightly over the speakers and there were a lot of potted orchids everywhere and there was a large bronze male nude in the dining room that i could see from where i was sitting in the living room. eventually he came downstairs and sat at the other end of the sofa from me and started eating a large tupperware container of watermelon and he was like “listen, i’m trying to get this thing off the ground, like, some new gay slang. ive started saying ‘imagine’ whenever something is really weird or funny. do you think you could start using it?” and i was like “……ok” and eventually he finished his watermelon and wordlessly offered the container of watermelon juice to me and i was like “no thanks” and he was like “sorry, thought you seemed like the type of guy to drink the juice after you finished the watermelon” and then he said he had to go to a miz cracker show and asked me to leave. we did not fuck.
I want to read a story about a wizard whose only spell is “fix this”, but the specially-crafted magic takes their intent into account. "Fix this" can mean repairing the wheel on the adventurers’ cart or healing a broken arm or “fixing” a lock so that it’s in what the wizard considers the “correct” (unlocked) position. Imagine the other mages getting increasingly frustrated as the wizard stubbornly refuses to learn any other spells.
Wizard: *points at a canyon* Fix this
Other casters: That’s not really how spells -
Wizard: Oh look, one of our blankets is now a magic carpet. Guess we don’t need a bridge.
Casters: How -
Wizard: *points at logs that won’t catch fire* Fix this
Other casters: There’s been too much rain, it won’t -
Wizard: I fixed it so that it’s in the same state it was yesterday. Someone here knows how to start a fire, right?
Casters: What -
Wizard: *points at charging dragon*: Fix this
Other casters: THAT’S NOT HOW MAGIC WORKS YOU IDIOT WE’RE GOING TO DIE
Dragon: *coughs* Did you just… cure my intestinal problems? I’ve been trying to stop breathing fire for weeks, but it just kept spilling out, and every time I tried to ask for help, I burned everything down. I won’t forget this kindness.
The guy got his life and career destroyed by his divorce, cut him some slack.
he was also sexually assaulted by a man who could destroy his career
protect him
reblog if the man on the right is just as beautiful as the man on the left
people grow old? like, that’s a thing that happens? leave my guy alone.
Also that photo on the right is from like 2010 when he specifically and intentionally gained weight for that unfortunately lame family comedy Furry Vengeance
all those ‘say no to drugs’ assemblies in school where WACK i never once had the pot head kids push the Devils Lettuce on me. they’d be like ‘hey u wanna smoke some of this here Blunt of Marajoouana?’ and i’d be like ‘no thanks i dont smoke’ and they’d be like ‘ok cool’ and never bother me about it again
drinkers? NO CHILL AT ALL. even into adulthood people act like i’ve slain their child when i say i am completely sober. like every single time i’ve said no to drinking some person is like ‘what about jello shots there’s barely any in it’ or they’ll leave me a solo cup of wine ‘in case you change your mind’ and when by the end of the night i haven’t had it they’re all ‘you didn’t want any?’ LIKE? YAH I SAID I DIDNT?
anti drug psa’s are fine but they gotta talk about drinking too bc never once did anyone i know who did drugs push me to do it too but everyone i tell i am sober tries to find a way to get me to drink like i said ‘i am sober but change my mind’ or smth
For those of you who don’t know, I work at an anarchist co-op coffee shop.
Apparently, all the Chicano/Cholo boys in my neighborhood have caught on the the fact that I sneak food and stuff to all the little punk kids and homeless kids at the coffee shop.
There are three in particular who call me Mom.
Not Mami, not Ma, Mom.
The rest refer to me as “Miss”.
They’ve decided to always have one of the three of them there with me on my night shifts. (Especially after they witnessed the last bad shift where I had to kick a bunch of tweakers out. Said tweakers lit my fucking bulletin board on fire.)
Tonight, one of the boys actually charged up a crackhead who wouldn’t get out when I told him to leave.
About an hour later, I was emptying bus tubs when that same lovely boy walked in and wetted a wash rag. I asked what he was doing and he told me not to worry. So, I went about my business, doing dishes, bussing the main dining tables, etc.
I’d left a broom in the smoking room and a fresh trash bag in the bathroom for once I was done with the dishes.
When I walked out, everything was spotless and the trash had been replaced. He’d wiped all my tables, swept, mopped, and emptied all the ash trays.
He’d also picked the lock on the bathroom so his friend could take out the trash for me. (Which I’m not sure whether I should scold him for. Haha)
They snuck around and did my closing shift duties to thank me for keeping them warm and fed.
I’m fucking crying.
Kindness begets kindness.
Picking a lock so you can take out trash for someone who’s nice to you is the most chaotic good thing i’ve ever heard. <3
Can we as millennials and gen-z’s collectively agree that NObody Cares about elbows on the table like Why was that Ever A Problem for Anyone?? We can chill right?
